i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
25 People Admit the Worst Things They’ve Done for Good Reasons
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
25 Things All Men Can Definitely Agree On
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.