i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.