He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?