omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
