I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Randomize
