How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
