SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
