Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
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