Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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