come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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