Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
