Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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