it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
