dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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