Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
