Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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