the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
