Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
