The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
