mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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