I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Fuck appropriateness.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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