FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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