apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
