God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
