I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
