this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
That accounts for only three of the penises
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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