Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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