There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Randomize
