Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
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