The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
