I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
