my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I FOUND THE LEGS
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
