Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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