hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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