I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
