so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Houston, we have a squirter
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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