just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Randomize
