I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
