i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Randomize
