Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
