You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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