I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
