if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Randomize
