My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
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