sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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