you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
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He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
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I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
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