Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Randomize
