who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
