he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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