4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
