The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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