Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
