I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
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