u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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