Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Randomize
