I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Randomize
