At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
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