Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
