someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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