i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
