Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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