JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I would fuck him just for his dog
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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