no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
