That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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