I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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