my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
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why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
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I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
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