so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
