I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
