I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
