Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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