Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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