Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
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