What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
