Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
