he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
